Before we get too far into things, it's worth pointing out that the makers behind Roo Balls have assured the public that each and every testicle acquired for the purpose of their bottle openers was done so humanely and snipped from kangaroos that were harvested for meat or population control. That being said, have you considered using kangaroo testicles to open your beer bottles?
This Chinese Festival Is Like 'Frozen' Come to Life
While these testicles don't actually contain physical testicles, they are legitimately the plaster-filled scrotums from Australia's Red Kangaroo and Eastern Grey Kangaroo. They're big, they're bulky, they're the novelty item to trump all novelty items.
Ask yourself: is there anything better than double-fisting an ice-cold bottle of brew and a rock hard set of balls?
With the Eastern Grey 'Roo reaching heights of over six feet tall, it's no wonder that their dangly bits can be refurbished for the purpose of popping caps off bottles of Bud Diesel.
Plus you get to play a vital part in Australia's population control game—have you ever fought an angry kangaroo in the Outback? Too many good men have lost their lives at the hands of a perturbed marsupial. Brave men, mate.
Jeremy Glass is the Vice editor for Supercompressor and has opened his beer with weirder things.