Someone Sent Us Ménage à Trois Vodka, So We Ménage à Tried It
Today, I opened a mysterious box on my desk and found Ménage à Trois Vodka nestled within its cardboard coffin. Feeling particularly curious and sexually liberated, I knew I had to slam this down my mouth-hole. I invited along our editorial assistant and writer, Ali, to help shred this beast. Just the two of us taking the tongue-train into Boozeville, USA, which is nice this time of year, said a few TripAdvisor reviews.
1. The BottleJeremy Glass: The frosted bottle and flashy font simply screamed: "Pay a lot of money to drink me!", while the name incited feelings of edgy recklessness and reckless edginess.
Ali Drucker: The logo features what essentially looks like two fairies holding hands and frolicking. My hopes are high.
2. The SmellAD: The odor of this stuff is palpable, evoking subtle notes of high-grade medical sterilization chemicals. I’m getting turned on already.
JG: I think I'm picking up hints of...I don't know, vodka? It smells distinctly vodka-like. If you were to gouge my eyes out and put this bottle in front of my nose, I'd be like: "Oh my God, my eyes! I'll never see again! Why are you giving me vodka?"
3. PourabilityJG: Yeah, I guess it pours fine.
AD: It leaves the bottle about as quickly as I expected.
JG: Really don't know why I added this category. You excited for autumn?
4. The TasteJG: What's that saying? "If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck." I'm definitely drinking a duck.
AD: It lingers, clinging to the back of the throat with all the fervor of an ex-boyfriend.
JG: Yeah, I could see myself breaking up with this 80-proof spirit.
AD: I appreciate how you incorporated the ABV into that sentence.
JG: Real power move on my part right there. You hungry?
5. SexinessJG: I'd say I feel about as sexy as I usually do: somewhat.
AD: My sinuses are definitely aroused.
6. But could it inspire a Ménage à Trois?JG: Here's the thing about threesomes. Someone's always left out. It's the middle child of sexual adventures. You have two people going at it while one guy's just staring up at the ceiling like a jackass. No, I'll stick to falling asleep to Frasier every night and writing letters to Tom Hanks.
AD: I'd want a second date before I could commit, and we'd probably need to set up a safe word. The jury's still out on this one.
JG: You think they're getting drunk on Ménage Vodka?
JG: The jury.