Oh God, Spreadable Bacon Exists

What happens when a huge vat of bacon is rendered down for six hours and infused with onions, spices, sugar, and balsamic vinegar? Magic. Bacon Spread is exactly what it sounds like — the salty goodness of bacon in an accessible and delicious spreadable form. Really makes tofu seem like a piece of sh*t, doesn't it? 

By blessing bacon with the same physical properties as Nutella, you can now enjoy America's favorite artery-clogging treat anytime while bypassing all the difficult steps it usually takes to make it happen. No heating, frying, splattering, burning, or regret. With a variety of bacon infusions, including bacon jam, everything in your refrigerator is fair game. It's huntin' season.

Jeremy Glass spends his days writing about delicious things for Supercompressor's Vice vertical and mediating bum-fights.