These Condoms Are Fair-Trade, Environmentally-Friendly
Aren't condoms grand, guys? Wrong, they are not grand! They're smelly, full of chemicals, and can ruin the perfectly harmless act of having unprotected sex with multiple partners.
To help mitigate these soul-crushing problems, some nice folks in Vermont (of course, Vermont) have created Sustain Condoms—environmentally-friendly, all-natural, toxin-free jimmy-caps that save the Earth while saving your girlfriend's uterus.
Question: How many times has your penis contributed to a full-fledged environmental holocaust? Answer: More times than you think. Sustain Condoms are 100% devoid of the harmful materials found in most rubbers.
Natural latex rubber contains nitrosamine, a chemical compound that can potentially cause cancer, and is found in most big-brand condoms. Sustain's condoms are free from nitrosamines as well as the harmful protein in latex that typically causes allergic reactions.
Yessir, these papa-stoppers are even fair-trade and are sourced from rubber-tree plantations in southern India. And the company doesn't treat their employees like total garbage, paying livable wages in safe work conditions. The condoms themselves are safe, too. Very safe: each one of Sustain's happy-hats is put through a grueling series of tests to ensure the utmost quality and performance.
Saving the world is good and all, but it's a tad harder when you've got a "happy accident" keeping you up all night.
Perhaps the most admirable aspect of Sustain's mission statement is its dedication to sexual education and health in parts of the world where that sort of education is not readily available. The company reports that 10 percent of sales go to some amazing organizations like Planned Parenthood and Breast Cancer Fund.
And, yes, its condoms come in ultra thin. Because we know all of you were wondering about that. Save the world and get your rocks off—it's what Captain Planet would have wanted.