With anti-smoking laws harshening the grip around the lungs of America and all those pesky ads about, uh, dying killing the vibe of smokers everywhere, it seems that the e-cigarette might be the wave of the future. Or, at least, the wave of the present.
This Chinese Festival Is Like 'Frozen' Come to Life
Keeping with the trend of making bad decisions for the sake of science, we power-smoked five of the finest e-cig brands in a span of ten minutes and rated them by taste, look, mouthfeel, and buzz.
Blu - $10.99 Taste: Not quite robust, but not particularly mellow. This straddles the fine line between a Camel and a vaporizer — straddles it real good. 6 Look: Blu feels heavy in the hands and, as the bright blue cherry glows with every inhale, you really feel the disconnect between this and a real cigarette. Thus, it's a challenge to look natural while this miniature robot sits between your fingers. 3 Mouthfeel: My tongue went to bed with rich milky smoke and left the next morning with cab fare in its pocket. 8 Buzz: It's mellow... like listening to Fleet Foxes on a Monday. 6
Logic Hookah - $12.95 Taste: Sweet. So sweet. Like smoking a handful of Jolly Ranchers. 7 Look: It's so bright and colorful that you somehow look less douche-y with this thing dangling out of your mouth. It shows your vulnerable side. Less Terminator 2: Judgement Day and more Wall-E. 7 Mouthfeel: It's very similar to the smoke in a hookah with less of the sticky and confusing setup. 6 Buzz: Nothing to write home about — like when you accidentally use 2% milk instead of whole milk in your coffee. 5
Overall Score: 6.25
NJOY - $8.99 Taste: Whispy, with sweet hints of tobacco, accompanied by that all-too-familiar burn in the back of the throat that analog cigarettes give you. 7 Look: NJOY was easily the most natural feeling e-cig in the bunch. It was barely heavier than the real thing and even felt vaguely like paper — as compared to the porcelain counterparts that weighed my fingers down. 10 Mouthfeel: Light. Not for those who want to blow rings out their noses. 5.5 Buzz: A nice little buzz, but nothing too substantial. 6
Overall Score: 7.1
Luxury Lites - $9.95 Taste: Tasty. Mellow. Fruity. Like a piece of fruit that fell into a vat of nicotine. 8 Look: There are so many blinking lights on this thing that it almost makes you want to chop down every power line in the state so you show it off in the dark. Is that not a reasonable request? 8 Mouthfeel: Luxury Lites are the love child of an e-cig and a vaporizer pen. When you treat it as such, it's the lightest vaporizer ever. 8 Buzz: Very pleasant and calming. Like one's first gulp of a fine boxed wine. 8
Bull Smoke - $29.95 Taste: Reminiscent of your grandpappy's chewing tobacco. It's heavy, spicy, and sweet. Like Bob with the b*tch-tits from Fight Club. 10 Look: Bull Smoke sent over a bunch of assorted flavor cartridges, including: menthol breeze, sweet vanilla, grape escape, and the mysterious "American Ranger," which just had a picture of a revolver on the box. 9 Mouthfeel: Mouth happy. 10 Buzz: It was a powerful buzz that was, perhaps, too powerful? Pain is just weakness leaving the body. 8.5