The 9 Most Ridiculous Local Liquor Store Commercials Ever
From New England's famous Crazy Bruce to a wily Australian with good intentions, we've personally taken the time to comb through the dregs of the Internet's evil soul to find some of the most ridiculous local liquor store commercials of all time. Nine of them, actually, all related to liquor stores.
What's that phrase that people always say? Oh, right: These will make you lose faith in humanity.
1. Moonshine WillyFirst of all, of course this place is in Florida. Secondly, after careful examination of this commercial, we've deemed this guy's accent/outfit/general outlook on life to be 100 percent genuine. Oh, Florida, you're like the senile grandfather we never visit and the demonic adopted child we never wanted rolled into a penis-shaped bastard state.
2. Crazy BruceIf you lived anywhere within the New England area during the early 2000s, you'll remember Crazy Bruce's Liquors. Crazy Bruce sang, danced, made weird sounds, and was legitimately mentally ill. On second thought, he might've just been a really upbeat alcoholic.
3. Big D's Liquor StoreCall us perfectionists, but we find this commercial a little hard to follow. The one point they truly nail down is their stance on public restrooms: they don't have any. Also, their entire selection of bottles looks like they were personally designed by Mr. Ed Hardy himself.
4. Foremost LiquorsI'm sorry, but why is a giant talking condom telling me to buy malt liquor? Shut up and do your real job, condom.
5. Gold Star LiquorLet's talk about the storyline of this commercial. 1) There's this curly-haired, starry-eyed woman who looks like she was born in 2005 and she's surrounded by dudes. 2) Flashback to an empty room and she's trying to figure out how to make friends. 3) She goes to the liquor store and asks for a "cylindrical beer container." 4) The keg gets handed to her, the dudes high-five, and they all watch TV.
Why doesn't she know what a "keg" is called and, if that's the case, how did she know that a keg would attract men? Also, is she dating all these guys? Whose house is this? What's going on?