10 Of The Weirdest, Smuttiest, Campiest Books On Amazon

If there's anything we've learned about Amazon, it's that their website is absolutely chock full of ridiculous crap. From Nic Cage pillowcases to straight-up Confederate flag bikinis, there is nothing they don't have. Naturally, we felt the urge to fully check out their book section—you know, the thing they were best known for selling before express shipping toilet paper to your house became a thing. 

Needless to say, the results were everything we hoped for—and more. The sh*t we came upon surpassed even our deepest, darkest, most depraved expectations. You can try it yourself: just type in "robot sex" into the search bar and bask in the glow of amateur erotica. 

10.I Banged A Vampire And He Didn't Sparkle Like The Pansies In Twilight - FREE
Author: Raven Blackbird
Amazon's Description: "One day she’s banging the President, the next day she’s riding Santa Claus, the day after that she’s getting banged by Big Foot. Admit it, you’re mighty jealous of all the banging Jessica does. (Except, of course, when Jessica has sex with an inter-dimensional demon from Hell. Even she has to admit that’s a bit weird.)"

9. Milked by Force Complete Collection - $9.99
Author: Cherry Dare
Amazon's Description: "Carly never expected to become a human bovine, milked and allowed to graze. Then Lindstrom Lactation Laboratories paid her a thousand dollars to become their human bovine for a week. She was treated with Milkdown X, a special formula which made her lactate...and become so sensitive that milking drove her wild with desire."

8. Forced Gay By Aliens - $2.99
Author: Hunter Fox
Amazon's Description: "Konner, a Sin City native who works night shifts as a host in a casino is in need of a break. Growing up in a town where sex sells, he is looking for something different than the ordinary Las Vegas stripper. He finally gets his wish when he is abducted and taken by aliens!"

7. Unbearable: Russet Falls Series - $2.99
Author: W.H. Vega
Amazon's Description: "What’s a girl to do when she finds herself face to face with a ferocious bear in the middle of the forest? Gabby never should’ve stumbled off the beaten path but hindsight is…well. And not to mention—She. Hates. Bears. 

Thank god for Zane, a super sexy park ranger who just happens to be on patrol and comes to Gabby’s rescue. The two immediately butt heads but Gabby can’t control the overwhelming urge to let him take what he wants—and he can’t deny she is everything he wants."

6.The Right To A Bear's Arms - $2.99
Author: Carina Wilder
Amazon's Description: "Zoe's a shape-changer who's got it all, even the ability to shift into different human forms. When she finds herself on the run and headed to Wolf Rock, she meets Colson, a sexy bear shifter out to protect her from herself as well as whatever it is that she's fleeing from. But the last thing she wants is another man in her life, let alone one who wants to look after her. 

It's just too bad this one's so damn gorgeous."

5. Sex with my Husbands Anatomically Correct Robot - FREE
Author: KJ Burkhardt 
Amazon's Description: "Angie is an everyday housewife whose loving husband is left paralyzed from the waist down after a horrifying accident.

After months of sexual frustration following the terrible accident, she can't help but seduce a muscular workman while her husband is away at work. When he finds out, he builds a mechanical man to keep his wife satiated and faithful to him. But the Robot may have a mind of its own as it seeks to please her every fantasy and desire."

4. Taken by the Tentacle Monster: The Complete Collection - $5.40
Author:  KJ Burkhardt 
Amazon's Description: "Follow the adventures of Tammy, a young woman just starting out in life as an up and coming model. When her adoptive parents bring home and alien specimen to prevent its death, Tammy is the one who pays the price. 

After the tentacle monster implants its alien egg within her, the creature flees their home on the hunt for other receptive human females in which to place its eggs. With an accelerated growth cycle, the tentacle monsters swarm the city and beyond, swelling their numbers as they go. Will the Earth be doomed to the ravages of these creatures?"

3. C*m For Bigfoot: Volume One - $8.99
Author: Virginia Wade
Amazon's Description: "On a weeklong outing in Mt. Hood National Forest, what begins as a flirty, fun-filled trip soon turns into a nightmare, when an ape-like creature kidnaps a group of teen girls with the purpose of procreating with them. Thus begins the erotic adventure of a lifetime, and an inconceivable love story between a young woman and her horny Sasquatch."

2. Does God Ever Speak Through Cats? - $10.71
Author: David Evans
Amazon's Description: "When David Evans moved into a new house in Los Angeles, he unwittingly embarked on two strange new journeys. One involved a totally new relationship with God. The other was focused on a stray cat that was living in the backyard. To David's great surprise, he discovered that these two very different journeys were related to each other and had a lot in common. This is the book he wrote to tell that story."

1. How to Date a White Woman: A Practical Guide for Asian Men - $19.99
Author: Adam Quan
Amazon's Description: "Feel Confident about approaching attractive White women, avoid making irreversible blunders...How to Date a White Woman, A Practical Guide For Asian Men—written by an Asian with Asian men in mind within the context of a western society. Provided inside are the knowledge, framework and tools necessary for an Asian man to understand, to plan and to put into action the steps to successfully date a white woman."


Jeremy Glass is the Vice editor for Supercompressor and has simultaneously just published his summer reading list.