America is thirsty, and I'm not talking about sugar-free carbonated soft drinks. We live in a fluff-free era—people know what they want and aren't afraid to express their opinion in ALL CAPS, followed by a series of passive-aggressive emojis. Dating is the same—we've reached critical mass, and that critical mass is critical on getting their mass touched. Gross. Anyway, with the act of dating living solely on a mobile platform, the dating app reigns supreme.
But which apps reign most supreme? Good question. In hopes of answering your burning questions, here are 13 dating apps ranked (lovingly and subjectively) on how likely you are to end up takin' old one-eye to the optometrist. Hey, gotta quench that thirst somehow—what's that famous Mother Teresa quote? Oh yes: "Get it girl, get it get it get it, girl."