12. The bored Elisabeth Moss sex doll
I'm not crazy, right? It's Elisabeth Moss. That jawline, those sleepy eyes, the way she says your name when you unpack her from the box. Striking similarities aside, what kind of human wants to look a sex doll in the eyes while he's laying tube in his parents' basement?! There's something to be said about people who insist their sex dolls mimic the personalities of real-life, non-silicone women. Call me old fashioned, but I like my coffee black, my steak rare, my sex partners with a working central nervous system, and my Elisabeth Moss not staring back at me as I wonder where everything went wrong.
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Jeremy Glass is a writer for Thrillist by day and moonlights as a brand ambassador for Red Lobster by night.