'90s teachings not by Bill Nye

DC's got its share of '90s babies, although technically, Ruth Bader Ginsburg is actually in her 100s at this point. Because it's also full of people who were young children during that decade: Things 90s Kids Realize.

Spawned from a summer College Humor post before being autumn-ally crafted into a full fledged blog, Realize drops nostalgic knowledge on all things '90s pop-culture, and is written by a guy who boasts about his VHS collection and mastery of "the art of blowing into a cartridge", which if done properly, should produce a Lode Runner in no time at all. Highlights include:

#21: Juice Makers Wanted Us to Die of Dehydration Blasting youth-targeting "boxes or pouches that only provide thirsty kids with two sips of drink", the post accuses Hi-C, Capri Sun, and Kool-Aid of conspiracy to murder, though to die of the last, you'd really have to be Jones-ing.

#59: Ma-Ti Drew the Short StrawCaptain Planet's Heart-iest/most racially ambiguous team member gets sympathy for his non-elemental power, with a claim that the best use for said animal telepathy would be convincing your dog to "pick up trash", though to his credit, it's tough to pull that off with anything but a puppy.

#28: Home Alone Is Beyond the Realm of Possibilities Kevin and his "well-crafted booby trapped house" are alternately praised and ranted about, as Home Alone (and Home Alone 2!) are labeled "arguably the best X-mas movies in existence", despite the unlikeliness of a home invasion being thwarted by anything but going to the cops, "which would've made for a far less entertaining 2 hours", unless of course it was two hours of Cops, and Kevin was wearing a leopard-print leotard.

While the majority of the chuckle-worthy posts run show/movie/product-specific, a few more macro musings give solid insight into '90s trends, like "Bowl Cut + Bad Dad = Box Office Gold", which acknowledges Liar Liar and The Santa Clause's insane grosses, a metric which would only've skyrocketed had they thought to cast a certain spry little 80-something.