Maryland Pig Roaster

While professional catering can kick your party into overdrive, it also runs the risk of turning your wild rager into a discussion of how miraculous these tiny sandwiches are, and what do you think they do with the crusts? Man-up your menu with the newly expanded Maryland Pig Roaster

Originally a part-time endeavor by a Columbia, MD-based Fed, MPR has ballooned into a full-service barbecue caterer specializing in perfectly prepped pig, which a rep will either deliver to your door, or roast for 8-12hrs on your lawn, the whole time wishing forlornly that he could join your guests in Scattergories. Your 50-125lb Pennsylvania-bred hog will be tenderly skewered, lovingly seasoned with a custom spice rub, and slow-cooked in an industrial Meadowcreek roaster; it's then placed on your table for photos, and optionally adorned with a hilarious straw hat before being torn into bits small enough to fit into said hat. But there's more, as MPR now offers the whole slaughterhouse: choose one or two each from categories "meat #1" (pit beef, pit ham, pulled pork, smoked turkey breast, beef brisket, or sparerib), and "meat #2" (BBQ chicken, fresh link sausage, hamburgers/cheeseburgers, or hotdogs), or for an extra charge, grab a 15lb turducken -- though everyone knows anything less than an "osturgoosducken" is for poor people

To pre-sample their wares, check out the handsome pork-smiths at Maryland's "Beltway BBQ Showdown" next weekend, under the team name "Chez Pavillion" -- which may seem strange, but the only thing that can kick a party into overdrive harder than pro catering is "a large, often sumptuous tent".