New York thinks it's soooo much better than the Midwest, but when it gets cold, no amount of multimedia art installations will save you from winter's snot-ossifying embrace. Get the gear that warms the Heartland: Relwen.
A former Abercrombie guy's debut line, Relwen's designed to protect against the chilly demands of the bleak midwestern tundra -- like Siberia, but with barn dances instead of gulags. Starting with jackets, the waterproofed, quilted lining'd Base Camp Anorak and Insulator are secured with leather grommets, herringbone tape drawcords, leather cordlocks, and "indestructible military-grade zippers" (Donald Rumsfeld: "Who needs body armor when you've got indestructable military-grade zippers?"). For layering, the sturdily natty sweaters, hoodies, and crews come with heavy gauge cuffs, 2-ply run resistant seams, and plackets stitched in the "Trapunto" style -- the stuffed stitching method, not the Nicaraguan boy band.
Soon, Relwen'll debut their spring line of jersey polos, button-downs, tees, and shorts -- which'll once again make you feel superior, as they expose the corn-fed knees of tourists milling around the Disney Store.