Dark art can suggest a perversely irresistible inner turmoil -- but since your life's so damn good, you'll just have to rock the cool product of someone else's pain: Zerofriends

San Rafael's ZF peddles the horrifying yet comical screenprint tees, hoodies, and prints of Alex Pardee, a self-proclaimed sociopath who's worked for everyone from Upper Playground to Warner Bros to angsty band The Used (from Utah -- if you had five nagging moms you'd be moody too).

Many characters are flat-out creep: the disfigured subject of "Stomach Bodies" exclaims, "no one found the body...even after I told them it was in my stomach", while "Escaped Convic(tion)"'s slit throat streams forth technicolored, Tremors-like beasties.

Other nastiness is suffused with surprising tenderness: In "Vomit is Love", two smitten skeletons heave in tandem to create butterflies, while of a tee featuring a bulbous alien holding a screaming, horned & rat-tailed youngster, Pardee says, "Girls are way better nurturers than I will ever be to my imaginary unicorn-rabbits, no matter how much I loved them". Too true.

In a couple of weeks, ZF'll unveil a t-shirt featuring Guilty Smurf, an adorable munchkin whose fingers drip with the blood of 26 little blue victims -- a massacre that will trigger your own inner turmoil, causing you to retaliate with horrifying visions of beheaded Snorks.